Monday, 12 May 2014

It's not that bad. #DSbaby

If you follow my post, you would remember how scare I was when I was pregnant with my son.
I was worry and to be honest, I don't know how am I going to love him. I was scare that I wouldn't be able to love him.

Elias is 7 weeks old now and I fell in love with him since he was born. He has Down Syndrome. So far we admitted to the hospital twice already.

I know it sounds horrible. I am writing this post just because I would like to share to parents that might come across to the same journey like us.
I was afraid and grieved pretty much through out my whole pregnancy. My husband also discouraged when our son was born since he saw him and think that he might has Down Syndrome. He was hoping that our son might be a miracle baby. We never known and never found out about him until he was born.

We only know that we had a high chance to have a DS baby, as high as 4 in 5.

I don't think it is wrong to scare. I chose not to check my amniocentesis. My husband think it won't change our future anyway. Plus I was scare of the result and didn't want to know. I scare that I wouldn't have energy to push him. My thought is if I leave it as the unknown, I know that I have hope to hope for a healthy baby.

All this experience we had, I have to say, it was horrible pregnancy. It is completely different from when I was pregnant with our daughter.

But I am glad, I did what I have done. We went through all the pregnancy with hope that he would be a baby without Down Syndrome and also were hoping for a miraculous healing from God for his heart. This hope carried me through out the pregnancy.

I wasn't upset when our son was born but miraculously I fell in love with him right away. I didn't expect to feel like this at all.
I have to confess that I feel that finally, this pregnancy is over! He is here!
We didn't know right away if he has Down Syndrome. He does has some look that made the doctor think he may has. But no one can tell a 100 percent that he has Down Syndrome. We have to wait 4 days for his chromosome check.

If you are on the somewhat journey like us, don't be afraid. Many people told me that I will love this baby anyway.
I questioned myself "how?", "They are not in my situation, they won't understand", etc. Now I can say the same thing. You will love your baby regardless.

I still grieve sometimes and thinking that it would be nice if he doesn't have Down Syndrome. He is so cute and would be so hot and melt all the girls hearts when he grown up if he doesn't have DS.
This feeling is fading away though.
I started to think about who he is. Hoping for the best for him just the same as if he doesn't have DS.
One day at a time is the best way to describe this. I try not to be worry. I couldn't help to feel worry sometimes.
But it's getting better everyday.

I can't wait to understand why many of DS parents says that DS kids are the blessing from God. They are the best. I am looking forward to see his future and learning and walking in this journey.

1 comment:

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